fangirling-is-a-profession said: I don't know if I'm asexual or not?My therapist told me that "I haven't found the right one and when I do I'll feel a spark" when I told her I don't feel any sexual attraction. But it's true that I don't feel the need to kiss, hug or touch people generally, even though I love them in a platonic way. I've experienced the need to be close to someone physically only when that was a person I knew for 13 years and trusted him. So idk if I'm asexual or I'm just insane for not wanting physical contanct

Your therapist is wrong and needs to get a copy of the DSM-V (the official book for therapists) and remember that asexuality is a Real Thing. 

You don’t have to want physical contact or sexual contact at all ever. It’s okay to be asexual, and it’s okay to not like touch. You don’t feel sexual attraction, so yes, I’d say you are asexual. I, like you, am not hugely into touch. Also like you, I’m more interested in it with the person I am closest to (we’ve known each other for 13 years now as well and now we’re dating). And y’know what? That’s perfectly okay. 

If you’re content with how you are, there’s no reason to worry. It’s totally okay to not want to touch people.

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: is sensual attraction under the romantic and/or sexual spectrum?

Nope, it’s its own thing, but some people do find that it goes hand in hand with one or both of those spectra. Some people are sensually attracted to their romantic and/or sexual interests, but they may be sensually attracted to other people too; likewise, some people aren’t sensually attracted to anybody, regardless of romantic and/or sexual attraction.

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: Now that I identify as ace romantic does that mean I can just focus on developing bonds with friends and love them alot instead?

You can always do that. Friends are great.

-Kiowa

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: Hi! I wanted to share with the community that I just came out to my boyfriend of about six months and he was totally understanding and he said he already had his suspicions about my being ace. We talked it over a little and he said it wouldn't change anything :) I'm not out to anyone else so I figured I would share here :)

Yay! That’s great to hear! Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said: Do you think a trans person could be asexual and/or sex repulsed simply because of dysphoria? Because people can still experience sexual attraction without wanting to act on it, right? So assumedly it could be non dysphoria derived also, right?

It’s entirely possible - asexuality and sex-repulsion can be “caused” by events or feelings in your life, or they can just be how you are from birth. Realistically, sexuality is derived from both genetics and experiences/environment. It’s possible that a trans person’s dysphoria plays into their asexuality, but it’s also possible that it’s separate. Either way, their identity is valid.

I am stumped in trying to find a term for this: I am trans and often misgendered as a woman. When I am, I cannot feel sexual attraction for anyone and am so sex and romance repulsed that I feel like I’m going to puke even seeing couples together. When I am read correctly as a man (mostly only in queer/trans space) I can find guys hot, but would not do anything sexual because I hate my genitalia. Anyone else’s (a)sexuality changes based on how others perceive their gender?

This is possibly from the same anon, and if not, they came in right after each other and are on the same topic, so I’m putting them together. 

I have no idea if there’s a term for that. I might put that in gray-asexuality, (maybe with andro- in front?) because your sexuality as it’s presenting right now isn’t solidly in either the asexual or the allosexual camp.

What you do doesn’t determine your sexuality, so… really, it’s up to you what label you think works best. I might try taking this question to a trans advice blog to see how other trans folks experience their sexuality so you aren’t just hearing from asexuals. 

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: So I told my mom I'm asexual and she said that I was overthinking sex or something and that I might feel different when I'm older and fall in love. I told her some of the things that were suggested to other acenons when coming out, but they didn't work like I thought they would. I thought she'd get it. I once proposed a hypothetical situation to her and asked how she would react if I was a lesbian. Her response was that she would accept it because I was born that way and I'm her child. Nope :(:(

I’m sorry that didn’t work out for you. If you wanted to counter that, I’d say “Maybe I will feel different, maybe I will fall in love, but maybe i won’t! You don’t have to be in love or have sex to be happy.” Otherwise, maybe just let it lie. 

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: I'm just trying to figure things out right now because I'm not so sure about these things, but when I was younger like middle school I was always told by people that sex would be something I should want, but now I can make jokes about it, but whenever it gets too detailed I start to feel uncomfortable, I don't know I always thought I would want it at some point but now I'm not so sure. Plus I've tried the whole try to get turned on thing, but that didn't really do anything. So any advice?

It’s okay not to want sex! And it sounds like you may be sex-repulsed, and that’s okay too! Sex is like skydiving - some people think it’s fun, but it’s not for everyone. 

Everybody finds different things arousing, and some people have a much harder time being turned on at all. Some asexuals have a hard time getting turned on, particularly if they also have a low libido. And that’s okay! If you want to try, I’d see what kind of sexual things you can handle - thing is, if sex talk makes you uncomfortable things that are meant to be arousing will probably not be fun for you. Reading smutty fanfic and exploring the abundance of porn pictures and gifs on tumblr work for some folks, but again, getting into the serious sex that might make you uncomfortable. I would only try that if you are really interested, but don’t do anything that freaks you out, okay?

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: HI! Just curious, what are all the mods' pgps? I want to be able to refer to you guys with the right pronouns. Thanks!

I know Southie uses she/her, I also use she/her, and Sea uses they/them… I don’t actually know about the rest of the mods. Chime in, guys?

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: Just in support of the acenon feeling selfish or guilty- DON'T! As a non-ace dating someone who's ace communication is key! Never feel like you're obligated to do anything! Good luck! :)

Thanks!

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: I just got told by someone on a dating site that I'm basically broken and that if I'm asexual and just looking for an emotional connection to go get a cat. I hate being asexual. I'm done living. I'm done being shit on for my sexuality.

Acenon, don’t give up. I know people can be shitty, but not everyone is like that, and you deserve to surround yourself with better people. 

You are not broken. Emotional connections have nothing to do with sex. Everyone seeks emotional connections with other human beings beyond just a romantic and/or sexual partner - we call them friends. So if you see that person again, tell them to go f*** themselves and stop being an ignorant, hate-filled asshole. 

And remember, you are not alone. We are all here for you. We feel the same way you do - you are not broken. You belong here. 

-Kiowa