Anonymous asked: I was wondering what is it called when you experience an Artistic attraction towards people rather than sexual? I would rather draw or paint them, And then cuddle...

I think the term you’re looking for is aesthetic attraction, which is the attraction towards someone’s looks, in a way similar to how one may find a sunset or a painting beautiful.

I like the phrase “artistic attraction” though. There is a difference between finding people beautiful and wanting to draw or paint them.

I’m not very familiar with artists’ terminology for their feelings towards the subjects depicted in their artworks. Maybe you can say you’re inspired by the person?


Anonymous asked: I'm so scared to come out as asexual because I'm scared I'm going to get made fun of, and I live in the Bible Belt where anything but heterosexuality/allosexuality is evil and demonic and I don't know what to do. Can you help?

As I’ve said before, being made fun of is probably not the greatest concern in a place like the Bible Belt. 

Do not come out if doing so may compromise your safety. By safety, I mean physical, financial, environmental, all that. 

If you really want to come out, take it one person at a time. Take your time getting a feel for how they might respond by bringing up the idea in some other context - see if they’re open and accepting, confused, or hostile, etc. If you feel like it’s safe for you to proceed, then come out. 

But knowing that the people around you tend to feel that non-heteronormative identities are “evil and demonic,” realize that you may never be able to come out safely to people. 


Anonymous asked: Hello, I'm sure this might get lost in a sea of important asks, but it's worth a shot. My fiance and I, after multiple attempts at sex, have both come to the conclusion that he's asexual. He lacks interest in sex, and only rolls with it because I like it-- even when I ask him if he actually wants to or not. So now that we've kind of confirmed it, I'm at a loss here. I love him to bits, and I don't want him to feel like he's doing something he doesn't want to do. I don't want him to resent me...

We get a lot of asks, and it takes us a while to get to them, but we really are trying. 


I’m glad you and your fiance are being honest with each other - keep talking about it! Something that might help you is Want Will Won’t lists, where you and your fiance both list what you want to do, what you’re willing to do, and what you won’t do. What’s in both of your want lists obviously can happen, what’s in your will lists can be discussed and will probably happen, and you should avoid whatever is in either of your won’t lists. 

Just always be honest and keep communicating about it. It’s possible that you can reach some kind of a middle ground that keeps you both happy. Also, think about how important your physical relationship really is in the context of your emotional/romantic relationship. 

Good luck!


Anonymous asked: I'm a girl, and I've dated two boys in the past. Whenever we'd kiss or go farther than kissing, I'd get extremely uncomfortable- even kissing wasn't pleasant, and whenever they'd feel me up I'd have to act like I was enjoying it when I was really just wishing for it to be over. After I stumbled upon this blog, discovering asexuality and researching it, I realized that I'm a panromantic ace. I want to thank you for helping me realize my sexuality :)

We’re glad we could help! 

For all aces out there - never ever feel like you have to pretend to enjoy something you don’t want to do. Ever. That is so beyond not okay. If you can’t be honest with your partner about what you like and don’t like and where your boundaries are, then that is a very unhealthy relationship to be in. You don’t have to pretend to be anything you’re not. 


Anonymous asked: I have been questioning my sexual orientation for about a year now, and my best friend was talking about wanting to get into bed with a guy she has had a crush on for a few months is that normal? and Ive never thought about having sex with anyone not a girl, guy or anyone really have all my crushes been romantic attraction?

It’s entirely possible! 

Sexual attraction is what your best friend is talking about, or so we’ve all been told. Romantic attraction is more about wanting to spend time with, go on dates with, and do romantic things (kissing, holding hands, whatever you think of as romantic) with a person. 

So think about how you’ve felt about your crushes, how you feel now, all that, and see what fits you best. 


Anonymous asked: I want to tell other people I am asexual, but I don't want to be told I'm strange, I'm too young, or that I will grow into it.

The constant problem with coming out, acenon. You will always face that risk, so the best thing to do is to test the waters before you come out to a person. See how they feel about the idea, maybe try to lead them into being accepting of asexuality before you say “hey, that’s me!” 

Sadly, many people, and society as a whole, tend to be respond how you fear, and it will take work to change people’s minds. Have resources at the ready, be prepared for questions. 


Anonymous asked: Hey, I was hoping for some advice on coming out as an aro ace, I'm not worried about my family's reactions since they're all pretty open minded (I even suspect my brother might also be ace), but I suffer social anxiety and just don't know how to start the conversation. I could probably work around to it if we were already talking about sex/relationships but it's not something that comes up very often and it's really frustrating not being able to just be open about it.

I came out to my mom the second time (cause the first time she didn’t really believe me and I could tell, but I didn’t know what I know now) and told her about my relationship by writing her a letter. 

Obviously not a solution that works for everyone, but if you think your parents would be okay with you starting the conversation that way, it might be a good way to jump around that anxiety issue. it gives you the chance to get your thoughts together exactly how you want them, and to share them uninterrupted. 

If you don’t think a letter is the way to start, you can try to kind of engineer the conversation to go your way… “Hey, look at this thing I found on the internet!” and then go forward. 

Good luck, acenon!


Anonymous asked: Is it bad that at age 20 when asked if I have a boyfriend I just reply "boys are gross ew". Hahah sums up my feels. #asexual lyf

I don’t think people are likely to draw serious conclusions about your sexuality from such a comment anyway, but keep in mind that asexuality is not very well-known, so don’t expect someone to arrive at the conclusion that you are asexual just from these words.

Such an answer will come off as cheeky, which can be appropriate in some contexts. Is the question from someone you don’t know very well? It might have the right effect in that you’ll probably get them to drop the topic, but will also likely make things awkward.

People will probably also think you’re immature, because “boys are gross” is the kind of thing one might expect little girls to say in the context of the cultural phenomenon where children think the opposite sex is gross. Whether that is or isn’t a problem depends on whether you care what the person thinks of you.


Anonymous asked: What should I tell my family and relatives when they ask if I have a boyfriend? I'm biromantic asexual. But I am not really sure I want to tell them that...

Since asexuality isn’t very well-known, people are generally unlikely to arrive at that conclusion unless you tell them.

If the question is “do you have a boyfriend”, a simple “no” will do if you don’t currently have one. You don’t have to offer any additional information. If asked why, you can give a generic answer such as “I haven’t met anyone I like”.

There are other questions that might be more difficult to answer honestly without implying that you are not heteroromantic heterosexual. With that being said, I’m not sure how helpful it is to speculate about all the possible questions that your family members may ask you.


Anonymous asked: Hi! I'm ace and I just got a boyfriend who is pansexual and he really wants to show a lot of affection for me, but the thing is I really HATE affection. Unless I specifically ask for it, I hate hugs, arms around me, kisses, even standing too close to me. Does this mean I am aromantic? Is there any way I can tell him politely that I do have feelings for him, but I don't want affection? I tried to tell him and he thought I friendzoned him. I don't know what to do should I just break up with him?

Not everyone expresses affection the same way. It is perfectly valid to have feelings for a person, but not want hugs, kisses, or other specific types of physical contact. It doesn’t necessarily mean you  are aromantic.

With that being said, are there ways he can express affection for you? It doesn’t have to be physical, but whatever it is, you should tell him.

Also, how do you express your feelings towards him? He will probably want to know that you care. Again, this doesn’t have to be physical either, but it should be something that he can appreciate.

By the way, the concept of “friendzoning” is sexist, so if your boyfriend uses the term seriously, that is something that you should challenge. (The concept has been discussed thoroughly by many people, and since it isn’t the point of your question, I will not go into it here.)