Anonymous said: Hi lovely admins! You guys are amazing and so awesome! How are you doing on the admin applications? There is no rush, I was just wondering. :)

Dude, I hear you. We’re still super close to making our official decisions, so fingers crossed on letting you know super soon!

-Kiowa

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: Hi! Currently questioning my romantic orientation. I've never really felt particularly romantic towards anyone or had any strong desire to be in a romantic relationship. But the idea of romance doesn't repulse me, and I feel like I could potentially be in a romantic relationship. Does this sound like demiromanticism to you?

Nope. As a demiromantic, I can say with confidence that demiromanticism is when you are functionally asexual, but when you develop a close bond with someone, it may turn into romantic attraction. 

What it sounds like to me is that you may be aromantic, since you don’t think you’ve felt romantic attraction to anyone, but also romance-indifferent. Like sex-indifference, romance-indifference means you just don’t care one way or another about romance. If it happens, you could be on board with that. If not, you’ll still be happy. 

-Kiowa

Tags: Anonymous

starspangledmanwithatrenchcoat said: Hi! I was just wondering if there was a word for what sex indifference, sex repulsion, and sex favorability describe. Like, sex comfort? As in, my sex comfort level is sex indifference? Because, I feel like we have these words to describe aspects of a phenomenon, but not the phenomenon itself.

Sex comfort, or attitude towards sex, orrrr I dunno. 

Any ideas, followers?

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: (aro ace anon) Do you know if someone can seek an asylum based on their asexuality? Homophobia is ugly here, everything I've read so far was about seeking asylum for gay people. I'm queer person with female body which makes me easy target, but I'm not gay, so I'm not sure if I count as someone who needs protection. But I'm still annoying to people here. If they catch me and try to beat me they wouldn't ask if I'm ace, and then let me go, right? Why do they call this homophobia, it's queerphobia.

You’re queer and presumably assigned female at birth, which makes you doubly prone to injury and definitely means you should be able to seek asylum. At least, to my thinking, but we’ve seen how well asylum seeking goes for gay folks, so… ergh. 

Please do whatever you can to stay safe and find a way out. Followers, any advice for this acenon? Resources? Recommendations? 

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: Okay I read through the FAQ and things but I'm really confused and I don't really have any friends who would get what I'm talking about so here we go. I don't think I've ever really felt sexual attraction toward someone but there was a short period where I wanted to have sex. But at the same time, flirting and dirty talk and sex itself just seems silly and stupid to me, frankly. I don't know what I'm feeling or how to describe it. Is there something wrong with me...?

Thanks for reading the FAQ!

There’s nothing wrong with you, acenon. It’s okay to be curious about sex or even want to try it, and it’s okay to change your mind about wanting sex at any time. None of that means asexuality or invalidates it. But since you don’t think you’ve felt sexual attraction, I’d say you’re probably asexual. Does that word help you? Do you like using it? Then go with it!

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: Is it normal or okay to not be into actual penetrative sex of any kind and be asexual, but still enjoy fetishes, bondage, bdsm relationships and stuff like that? Like taking the submisson and power play parts but without the sex parts. I really love the idea of having someone not only controlling but looking after me, but I'm really uncomfortable with sex.

That’s totally okay! Some asexuals do like certain fetishes and paraphilias, though they may only be okay with some sexual aspects or no sexual aspects. Just look for someone who respects your boundaries and likes the same things you do in a non-sexual setting.

-Kiowa

Tags: Anonymous

imaginejohanna said: "Be aware that the current prevailing definition of asexuality focuses on the “not feeling sexual attraction” bit " Do you think the definition is going to change? If so how?

I really don’t see it changing, but originally, asexuality was more about not wanting sex as well, and we’ve moved away from that definition to embrace this more inclusive definition that aligns well with the definitions of other sexualities. But I cannot see the future, so. 

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: (pt1) I still feel VERY weird identifying as Asexual and haven't at all actually as I used to experience sexual attraction (a lot actually) and the past year I've been unable to become aroused or sexually attracted and masturbation has become horrible for me, and have been utterly sex repulsed. I've tried since then with various partners but have not been able to get into it at all or want to do anything at all.

pt 2 (by my guessing) This is due to a combination of multiple REALLY negative sexual experiences as well as medication. I’m fine with it overall it’s just weird because I know what’s missing if that makes sense? My romantic interest is the same way as I am (she’s damaged enough emotionally that she says masturbation is like self harm to her, she’s like me in it’s been a long time running thing that she hasn’t felt sexual attraction or desire at all).

Part 3 So I feel very weird identifying as it because it gives the wrong impression of Asexual people and Asexuality as many of you are not damaged like us and just were born like that where we were “made” to be that way as a defense mechanism from the bad experiences we’ve had. What say you? (If you need more information just let me know).

I say your feelings are valid and therefore you are asexual. It doesn’t matter if you were born that way or came to be that way through some event or other - you feel it, it’s valid. 

Be aware that the current prevailing definition of asexuality focuses on the “not feeling sexual attraction” bit and has nothing to do with ability to be aroused, enjoyment of masturbation, or attitude towards sex. That said, your identity - do what feels right to you. 

-Kiowa

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: Is it possible you became asexual from a traumatic event or are you asexual from the first minute you were born? Or is both possible? (sorry if i sound stupid... i mean i know that you can be asexual from the moment you were born)

Both are possible, and another possibility is that over time, your sexuality shifts and you feel asexual. And no matter how a person comes to identify as asexual - whether they were born that way, realized that hey, this is how I feel, or went through some kind of trauma that caused them to feel asexual - your identity is valid. 

-Kiowa

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: I've previously identified myself as bisexual but since my identity as an aromantic is more important to me - and the asexual community is, too - I've started wearing a black ring - I kind of need some visual representation of my "a-something" identity and since aromanticism doesn't have any symbols yet. I feel safe wearing the ring, it gives me comfort and strength. Now I'm just worried I don't have the right to wear it because I'm questioning and not completely sure about being ace...

You absolutely do, as far as I’m concerned, and I’m fairly certain last time we discussed it, consensus was that aromantics absolutely can wear a black ring too. I think they wear it on a different finger…? I don’t recall. 

Followers! You remember what’s up here?

-Kiowa