Anonymous said: So I'm an asexual and demiromantic and I have a fantastic boyfriend who loves and respects me, my body, and my choices. We have been together for 2 years and have been friends for 6. I love him and I want to marry him. I have no desire to, as my family says, keep my options open. How do I tell my parents, who, because of my sister (a psychologist who learned about "true" asexuality [aro/ace/no libido/no arousal] says it's so rare that there's no way I could be ace) don't believe I'm asexual?

Go you and your fantastic, respectful boyfriend! :)

Well, do your parents need to know about your asexuality? Because you don’t have to tell them. You can just say- hey, I’m marrying this awesomesauce guy! Why do they have to know what you two do or don’t do in the bedroom?

I’m sure your sister has good intentions, but she is wrong. Very wrong. I mean, I’m impressed she learned about asexuality at all, actually, because it was never mentioned in any of my psych or social work classes (until I brought it up, being *that* asexual). That being said- yes, asexuality isn’t terribly common (if we’re going with the 1% statistic), but that doesn’t mean you can’t be asexual. That doesn’t even make sense- just because something isn’t common doesn’t mean it can’t happen.

We have coming out advice in the FAQ, though, and I would also suggest showing your parents the FAQ for Parents of Asexuals, if you do decide to go the route of convincing them that you’re asexual. You could also show them that there have been books written about asexuality (such as Anthony Bogaert’s Understanding Asexuality) and a documentary about Asexuality on netflix. All of the above options make it clear that asexuality is diverse- not just the aro/ace/no libido/no arousal stereotype.

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous said: Just a wee story: I have never experienced sexual attraction, but I'm alloromantic- although I didn't know this until after high school, so despite agreeing that sexuality probably begins to develop around 10 I definitely needed to mature before I began to develop romantic feelings. I'm sure some people might know earlier but I just wanted to let everyone know it's possible not to develop romantic feelings until later on :)

Yup, I also didn’t have my first crush until I was 18, so romantic attraction can happen at any time. Some people develop it earlier, some people later on, and some people never~

-Becca/Southpaw

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: I'm ace and sex-repulsed, and my sex repulsion centres around having objects pushed into my vagina. I'm having a lot of medical problems in the vaginal region, which means many examinations and check ups for down there. They won't let my parents in the room with me because I'm too old (stupid Canadian health system) and I'm having terrible anxiety over future appointments. Any advice on how to deal? Also, sorry for tmi -.-

Make sure your doctors are aware of your sex-repulsion and treat you right. Talk to them about things, make sure they’re going slow and being gentle. Do whatever you need to to get the anxiety down - see if maybe you can listen to relaxing music while they do the exam? Take a stuffed animal with you (smuggle it in in your backpack or something) perhaps? And make sure you take care of yourself after the appointment - do things that you find relaxing and pleasurable, kind of as a reward for getting through it. 

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: to that anon saying that they think asexuality isnt a proper sexuality i need you to listen right here. there may not be as many of us as others but even though there are only about 1% of us thats still around 70 million people and by saying that asexuality doesnt count or doesnt exist you are saying that these 70 million peoples experiences arent real. that they dont count. and as one of those people i am personally offended and hurt that there are people who dont believe my sexuality is real.

Thank you for this message! That Anon was an absolute jerk and I’m so proud of everything you and Niall said- 100% support there!

Look at your life, look at your choices, offensive Anon. You think you can just say whatever you want on the internet, but you’re hurting actual people. Maybe that’s cool with your conscience, but if I treated other people the way you treat them, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.

-Becca/Southpaw

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: nah bye

I hope the door hits you on the ass on the way out.

-Niall

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: i read your faq tbh and saying an opinion kindly that doesnt agree with yours isnt offensive :)))))))))))

You came to our blog, which is dedicating to helping people, and completely dismiss our experiences and you DON’T MEAN TO BE RUDE?

That is the very definition of meaning to be rude. I’m sure at some point your cosy position of privilege taught you that having an opinion is immunity to being told you’re wrong, but guess what. It’s not. You’re fucking wrong and you should feel bad. You should feel bad because you are a mean-spirited person who attacks people who aren’t bothering you and hiding behind anonymity to do it.

I could explain all the ways that we help people here and the countless times we’ve been told by aces that they thought they were broken or dead inside until they discovered asexuality and finally had a word for what they experienced, but I won’t, because honestly, I doubt you’d listen anyway. You’re not trying to educate yourself, you’re trying to justify your willful ignorance by calling it an opinion and acting like that’s every bit as valid as actual facts.

It’s not. You need to seriously examine your life and the choices you made that led you to be this small-minded and that culminated in you sending these messages.

I will fight to my last breath to protect my fellow aces from trash like you. I hope you do not have a nice day.

-Niall

And PS, being exclusively attracted to Asian folks isn’t an orientation, it’s racism.

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: i don't mean to be rude but in my personal opinion i think that asexuality isn't a sexuality but rather whether you like sex or not. and i think it's strange because in a few years we'll have besexuality for people who are attracted to asian people when really it's just what you do and don't like. again- sorry if i'm being offensive.

Saying “sorry” doesn’t get you out of being offensive. You’re still being offensive.

If you read our FAQ, which we spent a lot of time working on, you’d know that’s not at all what asexuality is. Asexuality is about not experiencing sexual attraction. It has nothing to do with whether or not you like sex.

Go educate yourself.

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous said: i'm 18 years old and asexual (but not out), and i think i've internalised a lot of prejudice about it because i can't help feeling that asexuality doesn't really exist and that mine will go away once i get older/meet the right person. it just feels unnatural. like i'm broken. even when i see whole groups on tumblr dedicated to it part of me is going "oh they probably just want attention" and other similarly horrible things. i know i'm awful for feeling this way, but i don't know how to stop :/

Every time you feel that, remind yourself “I am not broken. Asexuality is real and it is okay to be asexual. I am wonderful. Other asexuals are fantastic. It is all going to be okay.” Spend some quality time on different ace blogs, really listen to what other aces are saying about their experience. 

Sexuality is not a disease. Heterosexuality doesn’t “go away,” homosexuality can’t be “cured,” bisexuality doesn’t stop existing because a person meets someone they like… Asexuality won’t stop even if you do meet someone you like. Maybe you’ll find out you’re demisexual, but maybe not. Maybe you, like so many of us, will feel that you are asexual for the rest of your life. That’s great! It’s okay to be asexual! 

Chin up, acenon. It’s okay to be you. 

-Kiowa

Anonymous said: I feel that younger people are more likely to accept Asexuality, because I told my best friend (16) and my dad's girlfriend's daughter (13) and they were both like "what's that" but then "Ohh okay~" after I explained. But the two people I've told over the age of 30 are really iffy on it, of course this doesn't apply for everyone at all, just that it's generally easier to make younger people understand... If you get me.

I don’t think it has anything to do with age, really. I think it has to do with how open-minded people are. And, sure, there’s a tendency for younger people to be more open minded than older people. But it’s not true in all cases!

-Becca/Southpaw

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: I came out to my mom as asexual last month and I thought she understood me, but now she keeps saying that I'll change and I kept telling her I won't and that I'm confident in my asexuality. And she just responded sarcastically "ok you won't change" and I'm just really mad right now. Any advice for me guys?

"If I told you I was straight, would you be doubting me?" Odds are, she wouldn’t. "So why is this any different? I know who I am and I know how I feel. I am asexual, and that’s not changing. Please stop saying such hurtful, dismissive things to me." Something like that. Dig in your feet and don’t let her talk you down, acenon. 

-Kiowa