May 2013
103 posts
gennargh asked: I went through the majority of my teenage years not experiencing sexual attraction to anyone. I experienced romantic attraction but nothing more. I always wanted to be "normal" like my friends but i genuinely just wasn't and so i avoided relationships due to the inevitability of them ending because of what i believed was just dysfunction. So i determined that i was Asexual. THEN i...
Anonymous asked: To the anon being pressured by bf: take my advice and seriously dump the guy. I speak from personal experience. It's better to leave and not deal with him again before he continues to guilt you. I don't know your bf, but you never know how he'll treat you later on. A good friend and partner never would intentionally make you feel guilty over your sexuality. You deserve someone who...
Anonymous asked: So I'm 19, I'm straight, and at university. Soon after I came here last September, I met an amazing girl. She's beautiful, and wonderful, and we both love each other very much. She has a few trust issues due to previous relationships, and so sex has been off the table (fine by me). I love her and I want to kiss her, cuddle her and be with her for a very very long time. But I...
Anonymous asked: So I turned twenty this year, and all my friends are starting to get into serious relationships. I'm the only one who's left, and although I tell myself I don't want to date, I actually really do want a partner, but I'm scared to death of ending up with a sexual person, and I'm also not ready to tell anyone that I'm ace. In fact, most people where I'm from...
Anonymous asked: Today my boyfriend told me that "what we've been doing" (aka just kissing) wasn't "making out", and that we should try it. I knew that, obviously, but I was just really nervous about using tongues and stuff because it's my first relationship. But I agreed to because I'm passive. Afterwards, I was shaking and stressed and felt terrible about myself. I like...
grumpycatfaces asked: So I finally explained to my boyfriend (who is a sexual person and I've known that for a while) the whole "I'm asexual" thing, and I did the best job I could, but I don't think he really got it the whole way. I told him what I could in my own words, which was all "This is the basics and I'm still figuring it out, too" deal, and then showed him your FAQ and...
Anonymous asked: this probably isn't the right place so i'm sorry in advance. i just got out of a relationship with my aromantic asexual boyfriend. i understood that he was asexual before we dated, but on my birthday he told me he was aromantic.i hope this doesn't offend anyone, i'm very new to aven and all of that, but could it be that i'm not loveable or something? :(
Anonymous asked: I'm asexual but my bf isn't. We've been going out about 6 months and I love him a lot, but I don't feel sexually attracted to him. He's made it clear that he will not pressure me, but despite this, he keeps attempting to initiate and is hurt when I don't respond. I feel constantly guilty because my asexuality is getting in the way of the relationship, but the thought...
programmergeek asked: I'm a 14 year old female and just discovered my orientation, biromantic asexual with a preference for girls, a few days ago. I haven't come out yet (I am on AVEN, though) and I don't know how to do it whenever I do. And I don't want to wait to long to come out because I hate keeping secrets, but I also don't want to be bullied or discriminated by anyone. Do you have any...
Anonymous asked: when i was with my only boyfriend a year ago, i never felt any sort of arousal when we were /together/. now, i sometimes feel aroused, but i'm not doing anything or thinking about anything at all, like reading books or watching a film. does this classify me as ace? or do i have to not feel anything AT ALL? thanks:)
fishmostly asked: So I'm not quite sure I've ever experience sexual attraction, but I want to know what romantic attraction feels like. Also is there a difference between romantic attraction and sensual attraction?
Anonymous asked: Different anon from the one who moved to another city. I have noticed something similar, that aces tend to spend more time online, and not simply on ace communities. I wonder why, if it's because we don't spend so much time looking for sex, if it's because so many of us are nerds, or what exactly.
executiveweirdodogooder asked: I think I'm asexual because it explains a lot of things about me. Problem is, for the last 13 years, I've been relying on affection and sex as substitutes for self-esteem. Out of sheer luck, I landed a boyfriend who is loving and supportive of me, which is probably how I started figuring out my true orientation and needs. Do you have any advice for us? He accepts that asexuality is not...
Anonymous asked: Have you ever been in a situation where you meet a really cute person and you hope the person likes you because of how adorable they are, but when they do start falling for you, you freak out because you don't know what to do now that someone is attracted to you? Would that still be asexual? Because it happens to me a lot, where I hope good looking people will find me attractive and...
iheldtegenstemmer asked: I have short hair and have terrible hygiene and I still get unwanted attention. The best way to deal with it is at least try to be noticed for something you're proud of.
Anonymous asked: Hi, I'm an asexual girl, and guys keep hitting on me. It stresses me out a lot, besides I can never tell when people are flirting, or when they're just joking around, till they start asking me out on dates. I've also been told by several people that I'm attractive and that my looks are wasted because I never date or care about boys, which makes me want to punch their lights...
Anonymous asked: I've moved o another city about a year ago, and I noticed sth interesting: it's been much easier to keep a long-distance friendship via internet with my ace friends than the sexual ones. Like the latter need constant presence or something. I was wondering if anyone else here has noticed something similar.
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Anonymous asked: I identify as grey-a. I have a boyfriend and we have sexual intercourse sometimes (once we even did it twice in a day), but it's apparently infrequent (even though once a week seems like a lot for me). I never felt any sexual anything until very recently, only to him, and I'm 22. I give this background information because I need to ask: I often feel bad about labeling myself as grey-a,...
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Anonymous asked: I'm a Grayromantic Asexual and I've been experiencing a lot of sexual arousal lately whenever friends of mine do magic (I really love magic). In this instance it feels like maybe I do experience sexual attraction after all (not 100% sure)... Should I lose my label of Asexual?
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ani-laurel said: I also get days like that, days that anything sexual just bugs me, incidentally these are often the days I am most confident
There you go, anon!
frailwind said: I have days like that also. There are days I feel especially asexual and sex repulsed, and other days I feel a strong need to read erotica, which sometimes I’m okay with and others not. Those are the extremes, I also...
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patchworkgirlofoz replied to your post: Could you recommend any good books featuring asexual characters?
so would you say ‘the bone people’ is… bone dry? -sunglasses-
Omg you win the internet
-Becca/Southpaw
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sophiaphilemon asked: I was just reading through the first page of your asks and came across the-illuminatti saying they were a 'friend of aitana's'. I'm not sure if this was resolved or not, but I feel like they may have meant to come to me- Aitana's my girlfriend and I've got a bunch of people following me presumably for my ace posts/reblogs. So that's likely where that came from....
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Anonymous asked: I dont know what to call this, but sometimes I think to myself "Wow. I sure am feeling incredibly asexual today". I have NO idea what this feeling really is, seeing as I already am Ace, but that's all I can label it as in my head. One thing I notice when I'm like this is I feel a little sad or frustrated that everything I like is sexualised. I have no problem with other people...
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Anonymous asked: Could you recommend any good books featuring asexual characters?
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Anonymous asked: Hi. I've been reading a lot about asexuality. Sometimes I think I could be asexual and then sometimes I think not. I've been reading about sexual attraction and I can't remember ever wanting to like jump someone, like I've read that its like magnetic and I can't recall even feeling like that. But I do want to have sex. Like if I think of someone I find attractive and think...
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Anonymous asked: A girl I've been hanging out with over the past couple of months recently started getting very physically close to me and telling my how attractive she found me. It shocked me as it seemed to come out of no-where but I've now come to realise that she had made various signals in the past about how she felt about me - I just seemed to miss them completely. I'm bi-romantic asexual and...
guide-and-guardian asked: Hi. I'm confused about what sexual attraction is and whether I think I have it. Is it wanting to have sex with someone? I feel like I might be asexual, since I never feel much desire to have sex (but I can feel turned on?), and my attraction to people usually doesn't extend beyond "I find you aesthetically pleasing," "I want to spend time with you," or "I'd...
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artisagoof asked: I get that you're probably getting a lot of stuff concerning that anon in a relationship with an asexual girlfriend, but I thought I'd add my two cents on to the conversation as someone who is in a position similar to his gf. Sometimes it is terrifying to even hear he wants sex because there is this idea that blueballs is the end of the world and being my bf and sexual equals lots of...
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Anonymous asked: I've been having a problem recently. From a couple of months ago I started feeling arousal ( a tingling down there) at random times. Now it happens when I look at men, find them pleasing to the sight or not, and sometimes women. But I don't feel like doing anything, I don't feel anything else. I noticed that it started happening as I was reading about asexuality, so I think...
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Anonymous asked: Hello! So I've been identifying as ace for almost two years, and now am having issues with whether I'm aromatic or not. The main problem is that all throughout middle school and high school, I would try to fit in by picking guys to have a crush on, and try to convince myself that I liked them, since I didn't understand why I didn't actually like anyone. Now that I do, I'm...
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the-illuminatti asked: can we talk im friends with aitana :3 im confused about my sexuality
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Anonymous asked: I was talking to my friend about Cloud Atlas, and he said he heard there were a lot of sex scenes in it, so I said "uhh not really, there were some". And then he sort of leered at me and went "Boy you must have liked them huh?", which made me VERY uncomfortable. He doesn't know I'm asexual, but I did tell him that I have never desired a relationship with anyone,...
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alexishy said: I understand what you’re saying. I guess I didn’t really think about it that way. All I really know about ace relationships is that this is what worked for a couple of my friends. Sorry. :/
Not a problem! Sometimes we all say things that are problematic (I’ve just been called out by a couple of people right now!)
szelesartist said: I agree with anon.
I edited the initial...
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alexishy said: The anon should just sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her they’ve been reading the blog to try and understand her and that they’re willing to work around the “physical stuff.” If she’s still hesitant, ask to at least try for a little while.
Mmm… I don’t agree that asking her to “at least try it for a little while” is a good idea. It’s a...
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Anonymous asked: Completely disagree with the advice to ask one more time for that anon that already stated there's an accuse for not taking a rejection seriously because they just "click." NO MEANS NO, sexual, asexual, or anything in between. Asking further time is called harassment, no matter if it's rooted in some kind of fear or maybe you just aren't the ace girl's type.
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Anonymous asked: I'm in love with an ace girl. I've recently told her about it, but she said it wouldn't work out because she is ace. But I have trouble letting go of her, I think we would be great together. I'm really not bothered about her asexuality (though I'm sexual myself). I really thought she liked me too, and I'm afraid that she only rejected me because she is afraid of the...
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Anonymous asked: What does it mean when you see someone who is very good looking and instead of wanting to have sex with them you want them to have sex with another person...? Like, for example, you see a good looking guy and you think "damn, he should do it with this guy over here, that'd be hot"... You don't want to have sex with them, whatever turn on you have going on is strictly related to...
Anonymous asked: I hats being non specific, but do any of you have advice for a gray-romantic asexual? Thank you.
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Anonymous asked: ok so now i'm worried this is all about me saying the thing about ugly dicks and vags. i'm the bike anon and i'm really sorry if i actually offended anyone. it was my personal oppinion and i would seriously ball up in a corner because i'm scared shitless of them all, calling them ugly was just.. idk. THAT is the asexual in me, i cannot fathom being intimate with them, being...
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Anonymous asked: First off, I would like to say that I love this blog, I've tried so many asexuality blogs and I've had problems with them almost immediately due to shaming of other sexualities, but mostly, because of trans* exclusion. That said, a while back, I did see a post that was somewhat cissexsist, I was wondering if you're aware of it and can be a little more careful next time? Asexuality...
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panda-pandamonium asked: Actually, in the most recent episode of TBBT, they sort of discussed Sheldon being somewhere on the ace spectrum without it being a joke. Essentially, the group was giving them shit for not being physically affectionate and pressuring them to kiss during a game of D&D, and Amy ran off and then Sheldon went to talk to her and they discussed how she wants sex and he doesn't think he does...
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Shortland Street →
I feel that we all need to watch a great media portrayal of asexuality, so I’ve sent you all the link to this New Zealand soap opera, which just shows you Gerald’s plotline and how he discovers his asexuality. And he is actually characterized by things other than his asexuality- shocking, I know! It’s a soap opera, so there’s a lot of drama at times, but I feel like this is the best portrayal I’ve...
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kerokeromatsu asked: hey, just wanted to say in regards to BBC sherlock, steven moffat has stated that sherlock is Not ace. in fact, he stated it rather rudely by saying he thinks asexuals are "boring"
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dont-kill-birds asked: Just adding my imput: I used to be such a huge Big Bang Theory fan, and before I even really understood what asexuality was I related to Sheldon. I watched it with stupid amounts of dedication, eventually found out that asexuality was a thing, realised I was it, and then realised I felt hurt when they treated Sheldon like an alien not just because they were being mean to my favourite character but...
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Anonymous asked: "BBC’s Sherlock and Big Bang Theory only make “hints” about asexuality, which I agree with you is problematic." Hi, just curious: how is that problematic? For example, BBC's Sherlock does have some hints about asexuality, indeed, but I don't see why it would be a problem, since it's not what the whole show is about and does not get mentioned any further...
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Anonymous asked: Why is only hinting at asexuality more problematic than making fun of it? (That sounds negative/sarcastic but I'm genuinely curious).
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starfata replied to your post: brightburningred replied to your post: What do you…
I think what’s really problematic is that, while it’s implied that Sheldon isn’t into sex- it’s considered to be part of what makes him ‘other’ and ‘not normal’.
Yeah, so Sheldon’s not “other” simply because he’s asexual. Sheldon is “other” for a lot of reasons and his...
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Anonymous asked: Can I just say, thank you so much for this blog? It helps a lot, and I'm always happy to see someone supporting asexual people when most people in my life think it's bs or that I'm just 'damaged.' I think giving advice and spreading awareness like this will do a lot for the asexual community. So anyway, thanks.
