January 2012
49 posts
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Anonymous asked: Okay, I'm a twenty-something who admires people that are "attractive," but would never want to have sex with them, even if we did have an emotional connection. Would that qualify as asexual? On the other hand, I appreciate erotica, fanfiction, etc, and even write some pretty graphic stuff. I enjoy writing it, but would never want to actually do that in real life. Would I still be...
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Anonymous asked: I've been having trouble with this since I was 13 because I have really never felt sexual attraction for anyone. I can appreciate human beauty but does that make me want to jump them? Nope. Two people having sex I find arousing but thinking of a single person just never does it for me. However, I find that if I am close to a person and I am emotionally invested in them I can find them...
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Anonymous asked: I think some guys are attractive, but the idea of sex never interests me, unless I'm bored or really upset and just want to do it because I'm in a "fuck it" mood, but other than that, sex (even with partners) is a chore to me, and I usually can't wait for it to finish. I think sex is completely over-rated.I love masturbating, though. And I get horny sometimes.I'm even...
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Anonymous asked: I'm asexual, but the person I'm dating isn't. I know she wants to have sex, but I'm completely uninterested and actually kind of disgusted by sex, but I feel like she's missing out on something she really wants to do. I told her I don't expect her to stay with me, but she says she understands my asexuality and is fine with never doing it, but she keeps making sexual...
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Anonymous asked: my boyfriend wants to have sex with me, i like him hes a nice guy, but i really dont. i think i am asexual and have for long, what should i do? tell him?
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Anonymous asked: I really really like girls (I am female)... But I am not hugely big on physical stuff with them..but I like every other part of a relationship...buttt when physical stuff happens ..I kinda do get turned on slightly but I don't want that person to Finnish what they started..what do u think?
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Anonymous asked: I'm beginning to think that I'm only asexual because I'm trans and could never see myself as a female doing sexual things with anyone. When I see myself as a guy I'd want to make out with another guy, but still genitals are a big no no. Do you think that my asexuality is just due to my body/gender dysphoria?
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Anonymous asked: I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. I did always want to have sex with him, because I am unable to masturbate and felt as though I wouldn't be missing out any longer. Now, I don't feel anything. I think I mostly keep wanting to have sex as an ego boost, but at the same time it is so unpleasant, I keep wanting it to be over while it lasts. Is there any way that would make...
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Anonymous asked: I know I'm asexual and I think I may be aromantic as well but I need some advice. I often have lots of squishes (asexual and aromantic crushes). Most of them last less than a couple of weeks but I've had about 3 or 4 that have lasted 1-3 years! They're mostly acquaintances and I usually obsess over the person and want them to notice/acknowledge/like me, but if I ever get to be...
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Anonymous asked: I've identified as asexual for quite some time, but how do you know if you're demisexual? I'm in my first romantic relationship and I was just wondering how long you think it might take to develop a sexual attraction to my partner if I am, in fact, demi.
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Anonymous asked: I've finally figured out my identity as an asexual person. Now I want to tell my friends about it too and do visibility work. Problem is, if I come out to my friends I want to be out to EVERYONE. My grandma is probably in the last 2-4 years of her life, and she's one of those grandmas who always say "when you get married" and "when you have kids". I really want to...
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Anonymous asked: I'm a girl. Been attracted to girls, was curious with sex & masturbated a bunch. I remember being sexually attracted to one girl & a boy (strange for me). Got into a bad relationship. Lost complete interest in sex. Years pass. Dating the girl again. I love to please her & find it somewhat pleasurable for me. Don't get urges anymore.. recently noticed I don't...
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Anonymous asked: I do identify my orientation as straight however I never really had any kind of sexual attraction to anyone. I mean I do get emotionally/romantically attracted to guys but I barely get aroused. I've been thinking about this for along time but I just realized now that I could possibly be asexual. I'm not sure though since I've never had a sexual experience before however I don't...
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Anonymous asked: Hi, i'm doing a research on asexuality (just out of curiosity, this is not connected to any academe or work). I'm a lesbian who certainly experiences sexual attraction to women. So it's really hard to put my mind around the fact that asexuals don't feel the desire to have sex. I've read that some asexuals do masturbate or have sex w/ their partner, my question is, how do...
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Anonymous asked: My best friend and I have been standing on the precipice of almost-in-a-relationship for what seems like years now. About a year ago she came out to me as asexual, and after some soul-searching I've tentatively labeled myself as pansexual. My worry is when one of us inevitable broaches the topic of our relationship: how do I tell her that I want a relationship, but my sexuality is an innate...
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Anonymous asked: I've identified as asexual biromantic for about a year now, but I'm starting to wonder if I might be aromantic, too. I desire emotional connection and feel attracted, but when I think about it practically, the concept of a relationship is not something I really want. I'm just not sure what really qualifies as romantic attraction, I guess.
Anonymous asked: Do you know how I can know whether I'm a late bloomer or asexual? Or is it a "Time will tell" thing? I'm turning 19 and I haven't experienced sexual attraction, so I think I'm heteroromantic but I can't say.
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Anonymous asked: Hey all, I have a question and I really need some help. I'm an aromantic asexual, and I have been in a fairly serious relationship with my boyfriend for a while now. He makes me incredibly happy, and I do believe that I love him. However, I am still an aromantic, I can't change that, and so the general ins and outs of being in a relationship are both foreign and exhausting for me. I care...
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Anonymous asked: hey, i need some advice. I met this girl at a party and ever since we've been involved in varying sexual situations, but it feels wrong and i told her that and i think she doesn't mind too terribly not using my genitals in sexual situations, but like now i'm kind of thinking i'm rather demi sexual or at least not as comfortable being sexual as i had expected. because i...
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Anonymous asked: I'm female.I'm 18.I've never had a boy/girlfriend.I've never had sex. I am extremely gifted intellectually and was considered a child prodigy and now an adult polymath. I don't want a boy/girlfriend as such, but I desire a person on the same level as me with whom I could 'connect'. I haven't found such a person. I don't desire sex but if they did, I...
Anonymous asked: So this isn't really an ace issue, per se, but you guys have helped me before and I need advice. I don't like it when someone's making any prolonged physical contact with me when I'm not in control of the situation or if I haven't been asked. I get really uncomfortable, and there's no particular 'reason' for this. However, one of my best friends has a habit...
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Anonymous asked: Any advice on how to come out as ace? I identify as asexual/demisexual, and possibly aromantic/demiromantic - I want to tell my parents and brother and I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with it, if a bit confused, but I'm not really sure how to bring it up. We don't really talk much about stuff like sex and sexual/romantic relationships, so there's no way I can easily slip...
I would just like to apologize again…there are so many asks…and we keep getting new ones. Which is a good thing because we love helping! And all of your questions are important to us, so please have patience. :) No one’s been sending messages about being impatient- it’s just that I’ve been feeling guilty about it. xD; But we’ll get to all of you~ <3
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Anonymous asked: I am a gray-a ( I experience limited attraction/libido. I identify more as sexualish/asexualish). My boyfriend doesn't know because I'm still coming to terms with it (I found out recently). We've been together for a year, but we never talked about/had sex. I am willing to have sex with him (waiting for marriage, but different story), but I want him to understand that I don't...
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Hi! I’ve just been reading up on asexuality, because I think it’s necessary for me to come to terms with who I am rather than who I want to be. I read an article about asexuality in either Bust or Bitch in like 2007, and I immediately thought, “Wow, that’s pretty much me.” However, I don’t think I’m purely asexual. I have very little desire to have sex...
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Anonymous asked: I recently started identifying as biromantic asexual, and most of my friends are completely understanding, but a few people I have told seem to think it's just a phase or it's just a matter of finding the right person, despite the fact I have explained (sometimes repeatedly) I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, or think about anyone (even imaginary) in any way that goes...
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Anonymous asked: Do you have any advice for someone who isn't asexual but tends to fall for people who are? I thought I'd ask here because I'd like to know the opinions of asexuals on this matter. Personally, I'm a very emotion based person and I don't mind if I'm with someone who loves me but just couldn't have sex with me because they wouldn't with anyone. But at the same...
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Anonymous asked: Okay so I had a very strong intellectual/emotional connection with a person this summer before I returned to school. I rarely have this sort of connection and decided to pursue something more than just conversation, we ended up doing some "heavy petting" and then I left. I felt nothing during this, in fact I just went along with the motions and I was so in my own head during the whole...
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Anonymous asked: When I get really emotionally attached to people, I want to make them happy. Everyone seems to just want sexual things to make them happy though, and I can't do that. I'm too disgusted by sex. What more can I do to make her happy without having to have sex? I want to make her happy, but I just can't have sex and it's gotten to the point where if I can't give it to her...
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Anonymous asked: So I've been worried about my sexuality for a while, since I realized years ago that the idea of sex didn't appeal to me at all. People said I'd grow out of it, but I'm 18 now, and still haven't. Just about a month ago, I discovered the concept of asexuality, and I think (from what I've read) I'm asexual and hetero-romantic. I would like to have a meaningful...
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Anonymous asked: I consider myself asexual, I've just never been interested in sex. But it's strange sometimes, rarely I do find someone attractive, it's not that I want to be with that person in a romantic relationship or in a sexual relationship But I simply don't know why sometimes I find myself attracted to that person. And theres something else's to people who know that I'am...
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Anonymous asked: Hi, I never really knew that people were defined as asexual. But I'm 21 and I've never really been sexually attracted to anyone. I defiantly straight and have liked guys before but never really wanted to have sex. I always thought I just had low self esteem and that one day I'd get over it but I don't know anymore. genitalia gross me out and I imagine the other parts of...
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Anonymous asked: I have a situation. I believe I am asexual (that's what I seem to identify with) but I want someone to love and I want kids. I also am not sure if I'm asexual because I have genophobia (or I think I do, I mean I drop relationships as soon as it even hints at beginning to be intimate) or just don't want to be intimate in the first place. I am just wondering if there is any way you...
Anonymous asked: is it weird that sometimes i feel like kissing people and touching their bodies even though i know i won't feel aroused at all? i just get an impulse to do it and i think it would be fun (but not sexual). i've hooked up with a guy before and it was really fun but i felt nothing "down there", i just liked kissing him, sort of like it was an art.
Anonymous asked: I'm an eighteen year old girl, and I'm not sure if I'm asexual, or jaded. I've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, never went on a date, and the last time I had crushes was in middle school, but I've been rejected so many times, that I've given up. I have never in my lifetime felt the urge or desire to engage in sexual relations with anyone, but I also have assumed...
Anonymous asked: I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out if I'm asexual or not. I feel like if I was sexually attracted to someone, I'd know, but I don't. Thinking about sex doesn't bother me, but I've never actively wanted to have sex with a certain person. I can get turned on, but I don't think I want sex. Is there a way to tell if I'm just a late bloomer or asexual?
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Anonymous asked: I don't get crushes. I'm perfectly fine with friendships and platonic relations. I get intense squishes, the overpowering urge to try and connect with someone because I think they're interesting, and I want us to be friends. I've never looked at a person and even considered the possibility of us being anything more than platonic. Up until now. But I'm asexual, they're...
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Anonymous asked: I'm a heteromantic ace, everytime I see someone I may be interested in I assume they're sexual and likely not understanding about aces. Sometimes I think "I'll be lucky if they're even interested in my gender." Since I often fall for people who aren't straight. How do I get over this? How do I meet aces offline? Are there more (open) aces of a particular gender...
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Anonymous asked: hi, i know you probably get this all the time but i'm sort of looking for a straight-up yes/no answer. someone asked about physical and mental sexuality. i find myself looking at /those/ NSFW tumblr blogs and i can fantasize but i don't feel anything for anyone sexually. i have an opinion on whether i think a guy is nice looking but nothing other than the aesthetics. regretably i engaged...
I’d just like to point out that there are a lot of questions currently waiting to be answered. Please have patience and we’ll try to get to all of your questions as soon as possible. :)
-Becca/Southpaw
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Anonymous asked: i feel that my physical sexuality and my mental sexuality are different things, and that i'm only physically asexual. it's pretty frustrating to use this sort of thinking but it's the only thing that makes sense to me. does it make sense to you or am i just some idiot loon?
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Anonymous asked: How would you define cheating on someone in a relationship?
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Anonymous asked: I identify as asexual. I have never been kissed, gone on a date, or been in any kind of relationship (i am 18 years old) and i have no desire to. I have never been attracted to anyone, except fictional characters either. I sometimes feel confused and frustrated with the pressures of society. Asexuals are not widely known/accepted, and i feel i am always pressured to date, or wonder why i...
murderslikelovescenes asked: My mother has recently ceased to trust me due to failure to tell her about a short-lived relationship I had with a female (a platonic one, mind you), and now won't even believe I'm asexual. I've never done anything sexual- I have literally zero desire to. I express how much I abhor sex quite vehemently. She /knows/ that I don't want it. But when I try to tell her, she simply...
graaan-deactivated20130306 asked: i have a couple of questions, and i'll try to keep em as simple as i can. i'm having a hard time understanding the asexual spectrum so is there a way you can give me a general idea of what i'm looking at? and another thing, i'm also having a difficult time accepting asexuality even though there are a lot of ways i could see it applying to me, is there anything specific i should...
Anonymous asked: I am a seventeen year old girl in NYC. I have known that I am a asexual (romantically lesbian) for a while, but have had no luck in finding others like me. I feel a longing for companionship. What's your advice on finding other asexuals in my area?
Anonymous asked: I'm a biromantic asexual. I told my mother that I would be going to a movie with my best guy friend, and her response was to tell me that I should tell her when I need to start taking the pill. I haven't told her I'm asexual, and I'm not sure how. It makes me really uncomfortable when she brings stuff like that up, but I'm too scared she'll think I'm lying and...
Anonymous asked: What do you do when you've explained to your heterosexual partner everything about your orientation, and they've even met other asexuals, but they still don't believe? Instead they think that you purposely are hurting them by being the way you are. They don't want to hear that you are "different". They don't want to truly talk about compromises. Yet they...
findthegreatperhaps asked: Hi, thanks for running this blog! It's helped me figure some stuff out. I think I'm asexual because I've just never wanted to have sex with anybody at all, though I do find some people either physically or intellectually attractive. My actual question is: I hate people touching me. Is this common for asexuals? I hate hugs from everyone and kissing just feels awkward, as does...
