Anonymous asked: I want to have sex. I get sexually aroused from time to time, but I don't really find anyone who I know personally sexually attractive. Weird but I only think celebrities are sexually attractive.I mean I've notice people are more attractive than other, I think some people are good looking but I'm not attracted to them. Which makes it very confusing. I don't know :/
Neth - Here’s the thing, sexuality is a wide, varied and complex thing. People of one ‘sexuality’ will have different experiences. Which is great in terms of diversity and learning to accept that who you are, but it does make it harder to figure out who you are in terms hat work for you.
If you’re asking us to tell you who you are, we can’t as that’s up to you. But good luck.
Anonymous asked: I'm hoping asking here is okay, since demisexual is close to asexual... I just wanted to clear something up that's been bothering me for a while. I identified as pansexual for about 2 years before I discovered demisexuality/romanticism. Now, I'm pretty sure I'm still pansexual/romantic because I have the ability to be attracted to binary and non-binary genders, however, I'm also pretty sure I'm demisexual/romantic, because I need that emotional connection first. What label would be best to use?
It’s fine to ask any questions relating to any identity along the asexual spectrum and I can’t speak for the other members, but I’m also open to answering questions about aromanticism, etc. :)
Most likely, you could use something like…demipanromantic demipansexual? That sounds wordy, but from what you’ve said, it might be the most accurate label. If you’d prefer to simplify things, you could use just “demipansexual” or “pansexual” and then explain what your pansexuality means to you, for people who are interested in understanding. I think the longer label can be very useful though, as it’s more specifically you. But it’s up to you! <3
Anonymous asked: Hi! I'm 15 years old, and while I do find people attractive I've never experienced a need to have actual sexual relations with them,(Thinking is one thing, doing is entirely different.) Masturbation is more awkward than pleasurable and sex seems pretty awkward too. I'm scared I'm broke or something aha. I've thought about considering myself asexual or possibly demisexual but I was just wondering if these were "normal" actions/thoughts for an asexual/demi person (whose never had sex). Thanks!
Neth - These are thoughts a lot of us have when we’re still new to the idea that we aren’t the only ones like it, and even after sometimes. Society is so focused on sex and sexual attraction, and how it’s something we all desire and must either battle away or fulfil as best we can that it does get to a lot of us.
Anonymous asked: This isn't asking for advice, but I just wanted to say - after surfing through the 'asexual' tag on Tumblr earlier this evening I found some really upsetting/disturbing/disgusting stuff being said. Then I came to this Tumblr, and it's such a relief to see positive, helpful people out there discussing something that is very important (and a somewhat sensitive topic) to me.
You're a breath of fresh air. Thank you so much.
J.D. - Yeah, the vitriol that has been cropping up on the internet lately has been really unpleasant. You’re quite welcome, dear anon. <3
Chris- Yes, sometimes that tag can be… troubling. But I try to keep calm and eat cake. :) It’s our pleasure, and thank you for leaving us this lovely message!
Neth - That tag has been…… hard. There are, thankfully, some queer sexual people coming forward and saying they support us also so I think we need to keep in mind that even if a group of them are spewing hate really loudly it isn’t all of them. I don’t think it’s even close to a majority, really. But I’m glad that you like it here, we try and be supportive and positive. And for some humour in reaction to recent events check out the ‘damn my asexual privilege’ tag.
Anonymous asked: I don't know if I'm asexual because I don't know what a sexual person is supposed to feel.
I've never really felt ANYTHING sexual before... but I've never been in a relationship or kissed anyone or anything. Is there a possibility that I will have sexual feelings once I start to date someone and get close? Or should a sexual person be feeling things, even if they're alone. I'm 17, btw
Chloe - If you’re attracted to people but don’t want to act that out sexually, there’s a strong likelihood that you’re asexual (because asexuality is the lack of experience of sexual attraction). There is certainly a possibility that you’ll have sexual feelings if you date someone and develop a strong emotional connection to them—which is what demisexuality is. A sexual person should be feeling sexual attraction to others no matter whether they’re in a relationship or not, so if you don’t feel that, it’s unlikely you’re a sexual person. I can’t tell you that you are definitely asexual or not, but from what you wrote, it really does sound like you might be.
Jac - I agree with everything Chloe said. From what you’re saying, it sounds like you’re asexual- the definition of asexuality is “someone who does not experience sexual attraction”, and you’ve never experienced sexual attraction, so you’re fulfilling all the criteria. It is possible that you’ll start feeling sexual attraction once you get close to somebody, which would make you demisexual, but you’re asexual until proven otherwise. If you want to find out more about demisexuality, check out the article on the AVENwiki
Bridget - Could be! Whether or not you’re asexual is nothing we can define for you whether you fit the criteria or not. If the label helps you understand yourself or feels honest to you, then use it and own it. It’s true that you might feel differently and experience sexuality were you physically/emotionally close to someone/gettin’ some business done, but the thing about that is, what you do is your business, and if you’re not interested you don’t have to go and try something out to prove what you feel to yourself or anyone else. And, hey, if you are, go for it! Do (or don’t do) what feels right-your identity’s all yours and what you want/what feels right to you is way more important and reveals way more than naming it. SO, LIKE, MAYBE!