katieemcgrath asked: Hey there! In response to the demisexual question, firstly I agree that you aren't a nutcase or weird or any of those things. With my limited knowledge and experience I can't say too much, but I do identify as demisexual and that sounds just about spot on for me too. With that middle ground sort of thing with demisexuality there can be a lot of overthinking, like I'm sure there are with other things, but that does sound pretty spot on with what I know about demisexuality!

Awww thank you so much for your response!! I’m sure that will be very helpful to hear. :)

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous asked: Okay so I think I might loosely be demisexual. I know this isn't a demi blog, really, but you're the only one I know. I do feel sexual attraction, but at the most of times it's weak, or sloooowly builds. I have a boyfriend whom I like kissing and such and often feel on a sexual level that I should take the next step out of desire (but not emotionally so i dont) but it rarely do I feel it for people I'm not in a relationship with. Like, I feel sexual drive (and masturbation is enjoyable etc) (1)

but the majority of the time it is self-sexual, like, I am happy with my thoughts or with erotia, I don’t feel the NEED to relieve it with someone (though depending on the circumstances i wouldn’t object to it). I don’t feel the need to be with someone. I like sexual actions I won’t go seeking for them. So I think I might be a straight demisexual, but at the same time I think maybe I’m overthinking my sexuality and am just a weird, confusing nut-case. Goodness me. What do you think? (2)

I certainly don’t think you’re a weird, confusing nut-case! <3

To me, that sounds pretty much spot-on for the definition of demisexuality. Not everyone feels the need to use that as a label, but I know for many demisexual individuals, it can be really helpful. Personally, I’m asexual, but I find that demiromantic is useful to help describe my romantic orientation.

I did know of one demisexual advice tumblr, but it has been inactive for about two months, so…since I’m not demisexual personally, maybe one of our demisexual followers could chime in? That would be helpful! <3

-Becca/Southpaw

slutty-bagel asked: What's the difference between being demisexual and the usual sexual orientation (not including asexual, of course)? I'm sure not every person who identifies as LGBTQ is either looking for sex first.

Hello! Please keep in mind that I’m asexual, not demisexual, and I’m not trying to speak for demisexuals, but I have chatted with many demisexuals and read posts written by demisexuals and so I will try to answer this question to the best of my ability. 

Demisexuals are people who do not experience sexual attraction until a deep, emotional connection is formed. That “connection” does not have to be romantic love—it can be a friendship connection, for instance. Demisexuals are kind of like asexuals who just walk around, minding their own business, until one day, it’s suddenly- BAM! Sexual attraction!!

But demisexuality says nothing about sexual behaviour, okay? Just like asexuals can have sex even though we don’t experience sexual attraction, demisexuals can have sex with whomever they want, whenever they want, regardless of whether or not they’ve developed that sexual attraction with someone.

All demisexuality is, is a label that tries to explain when sexual attraction occurs. Because for most people, sexual attraction occurs pretty early on. That does not mean that you meet someone and instantly go- like, WHOA LET’S HEAD TO BED! But there’s still that spark of sexual attraction. And this does not happen for a veeery long time for demisexuals (sometimes months, sometimes years). And this does not happen at all for asexuals. I hope I’ve sort of explained?

If any demisexuals would be willing, I’d love to hear from you on this topic! 

-Becca/Southpaw

hungryandlonelyifonlyifonly-dea asked: As a demiromantic demisexual: How I go about dating is I don't! I seem to just sort of... fall into relationships with people I've known for a while. It seems to work well enough!

That’s how it works for me too!

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous asked: Hi! I currently identify as an asexual. I'm in a relationship with someone else who is also asexual. My problem is I think it's possible I may be demisexual. I'm already pretty sure I'm demi-romantic. I'm just having difficulty in deciding if this is a sexual attraction I'm starting to feel or if it's just a stronger romantic/sensual attraction. I don't want to bring it up with my partner yet until I'm more sure it is sexual attraction. Thanks.

Hello! Demiromantic and demisexual don’t necessarily go together. For instance, I’m demiromantic, but asexual. And I know some demisexuals who aren’t demiromantic (and I know some demisexuals who are demiromantic!).

It’s possible it could be stronger romantic/sensual attraction and it could be possible that it’s sexual attraction, but that’s up to you to determine what it feels like. If you decide it is sexual attraction, I think that’s important to bring up with your partner, even if it’s something you might not wish to act upon. 

Take care! <3

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous asked: demi* here :) I saw a question on here asking about how to quickly find compatibility with someone. My initial reaction is why rush? But to give my opinion, I think I have a checklist of things that I find to be of good character. These could be things like honesty, charm, confidence, and intelligence is a huge thing for me. The attraction can come later from emotional connection - but all love is an investment. And this isn't a perfect system - love isn't either ;) what's your say, demi's?

Thank you so much for your reponse!! Like you said, any other demisexuals/demiromantics have an opinion? :)

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous asked: When I tried to tell my mom I was demi-sexual, her logic that of course sexual attraction only came with love because in the Bible only married people have sex.

…I’m pretty sure there are a lot of examples of non-married people having sex in the Bible.

In any case, demisexuals often get responses like that, particularly female demisexuals. “Oh, that’s how all women are!” Except not.

People love to make those generalizations: men are sex machines! Women are all about emotions! And besides the fact that these stereotypes cater to the gender binary, they’re just wrong. Sure, some men really are obsessed with sex and some women do only care about the emotional aspects of relationships. But some men are die-hard romantics and some women just want to get out there and have a good time!

Just as people can experience sexual attraction without any romantic attraction, there can be romantic attraction without sexual attraction. Because these are completely separate things. As much as people like to put them together (“having sex with someone means you love them!”), they’re still separate.

It’s unfortunate your mom keeps holding on to her mistaken ideas conflating sexual attraction with romantic attraction. If you’d like, you can show her this definition of demisexuality, this set of FAQs about demisexuality and gray-asexuality, and here’s a pretty fantastic article about demisexuality that includes the following excerpt: 

Demisexuality is about desire and arousal, not just sex and who you do it with. It’s not merely that I’m only interested in having sex with people that I love, it’s also that I feel a complete absence of desire or sexual feelings toward everyone else. Ever. 

I hope that your mom becomes more accepting in the future. Take care! <3

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous asked: I'll bite. Please explain dating common sense to a demiromantic. Is there something like a "spark" that lets romantics know within 5" (or 5' even, since for me it can take years it's not a big difference) of meeting someone whether the other person is romantically interesting or not? Or are they as clueless as I am and just try to convey romantic interest to random people who meet a set of minimum requirements?

Oh Anon, I have been asking myself this same question!! I’m also demiromantic (for those who don’t know, that means someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction until some kind of close emotional connection is formed) and I’ve only developed crushes on people who I’ve already been friends with for at least a few months and…let me tell you, that can get awkward. 

So a question for all the ROMANTIC ASEXUALS or any romantic people out there: how would you answer this question?

And for the demiromantics and demisexuals out there: how do you go about dating? 

Let’s get some more follower interaction on this tumblr! :D

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous asked: I have my moments of demisexuality (mostly demiromantic with only one or two cases of demisexuality). What I've found triggers the "demi" side is feeling complete and utter comfort with a person. It pretty much determines the speed of a relationship. You could also fall under grey a territory— once in a blue moon, sexuality comes into play. And it's so rare it's only happened the once.

For the Anon with the demisexual question!

Thank you for describing your experiences! :)

-Becca/Southpaw

Anonymous asked: I'm confused as to whether I'm asexual or Demisexual. I'm 21 and had never felt sexually attracted to anyone until a few months ago. I wouldn't have called it a deep emotional connection, but I was definitely romantically interested in him. I've never been grossed out by the idea of sex, just mostly indifferent about it, but holy hell I was so sexual attracted to that man I didn't even know what to do with myself. Since then I haven't felt sexually attracted to anyone else and I am now confused.

You’re the only one who can decide how you identify, you know? But it sounds to me like you might be demisexual. You experienced romantic attraction towards this person and then became sexually attracted to him and romantic attraction, I would say, is one way of having an “emotional connection” with someone. 

Now, I’m not demisexual, but that’s what it sounds like to me. Maybe some of our demisexual followers could chime in with their views?

-Becca/Southpaw